Self-sabotaging is an interesting concept because… why would you secretly not want the best for yourself? You have all these goals and aspirations but you can reach them because of… you? It sounds ridiculous at face value since people typically think the world is against them. Most people will think that they’re being set up for failure by some third party, that they can’t have what they want and it’s someone else’s fault, or that they just weren’t born with what it takes to be successful. However, everything your mind and body does is a reflection of its self-preservation processes. Your mind, whether consciously or not, makes its priority to keep you out of harm’s way. It’s an evolutionary process that we haven’t and probably won’t shake off. Though, we can become more aware to unlearn the beliefs that get us to the point of self-fulfilling prophecies.
01. “It’s not my fault I can’t get it right.”
The most common logical fallacy that keeps us from reaching our full potential is that someone outside of ourselves is presenting a barrier. The perpetual victim of circumstance. “But I don’t have the connections. I don’t have the money. I don’t have people paying attention to my content.” It’s not that external thing that you need validation from to go forward. It’s Mirror Bitch that’s got you stuck. Time to have a conversation with you and see what you can affordably do with the time, money, and resources you have NOW to move forward.
02. The bar is under the floorboards.
The Law of Attraction says that like attracts like. This is only a small part of what actually goes on. It does not always pan out this way. It can be that two opposite entities are coming together because one is tolerating the problems of the other. What do you see yourself tolerating? Do you tolerate friends you’ve outgrown because you’ve known them for ages? Do you put your own preferences aside and put other people’s needs first? Do you stay in a dead-end job even when you don’t like it? Raise the standard of what you’re willing to accept in your life. Make sure you only keep around the things that meet your preferences and watch the flourishing commence.
03. Other people’s opinions run your life
Are you still pining for the validation of family, friends, bosses, or coworkers? You [still] down with O-P-O? You don’t have to go with the flow in your own life. That’s for passengers. You’re the driver in your own life. What do you want for yourself? How do you envision your life going? You can have exactly that but not when you’re more focused on what other people believe you should do. Other people’s limiting beliefs belong to them, not you.
04. You believe nice girls finish first.
When you don’t speak up about what you want, you don’t magically get noticed. You get overlooked. It’s worth risking the ‘bitch’ label to get in front of people who can vouch for you. Being nice is all good and all, but if all they have to say at the end of the ‘day’ is that you’re nice… You want people in powerful rooms to talk about your talents. You don’t have to be nasty unprovoked or create enemies for little reason. Be assertive and confident in your capabilities.
05. Your money chases the next trend
Do you really need a Telfar this week? Show where you put your money and you’ll know where your priorities lie. The Joneses down the street have their own problems. Your favorite Instagram influencer has their own problems. Don’t let the highlight reel decide what your monetary priorities should be. Your time will come in due time. It’ll be right on time when it comes. It shouldn’t matter what the next person has bought, or what the current trend is. The trends come and go, but you can’t make money grow twice… Unless your Jay-Z, then you could flip it a million ways. But most of us aren’t and should be mindful.
06. You make myopic decisions
When it comes to your life plans, you have to play the long game. Plan out what kind of lifestyle you want, where you want to live, what kind of significant other you want. Choose your pain. Do you want pain upfront and rewards later, or comfort now with rewards now? In the new age of instant-gratification, we’re trained to seek what we think will bring rewards the quickest. Just because it comes now and comes easy doesn’t mean it comes with value. Now or later. If you want your summer body, you’ll have to forgo the indulgences. If you want a hefty savings, you have to forgo the impulsive skincare hauls. Don’t change the goal to fit what feels good now. You’d be selling yourself short. The waiting game is for winners.
07. You believe that tomorrow is a better starting point.
“Oh, I’ll just try again Monday.” You don’t really need to have a specific starting point when there’s today. Today is always a chance to improve yourself by 1%. Tomorrow can be better when you make a small change today. Today puts you on the path to a better tomorrow. When you choose to wait, tomorrow keeps coming but never arrives.
08. Fear drives your dreams
For most people, the inner saboteur is like a doubtful angel on your shoulder, trying to protect you from harm. At the core, self-sabotaging cycles are a byproduct of your conscience trying to protect you from harm. You could have a fear of failure and be driven to an unhealthy Superwoman Syndrome. You could have a fear of greatness that keeps you from fully committing to a goal. You could have a fear of leaving behind your loved ones if you become successful. You could be afraid of rejection and refuse to apply yourself towards your wildest dream. No dream is actually too big but it sure can look more mountainous than it is in reality. You could be afraid of what life will be like if you make the wrong decision. But what if it’s the right decision for YOU? What if there is no right or wrong decision? What if you’re good enough to get a good significant other? What if you have all that it takes to be a success AND you deserve it?
Fear can drive us into false narratives that fill in the blanks. The self-fulfilling prophecy is more comfortable than the one we don’t know exists. We have created ways to self-soothe when we don’t know what’s coming but we can also create new narratives that create more positive prophecies. Prophecies with a happy ending. Rewrite the narrative, rewrite the prophecy.